Ramblings of an Extreme Man

Things that Australia does wrong


I’ve spent some time travelling overseas lately and I often compare the country I am visiting with home. Australia is quite a nice place to live, and generally compares reasonably well, however I have noticed some areas where other countries are far superior.

Feel free to leave a comment and add to this list. Maybe when we’ve compiled an extensive list we’ll write a letter to the Prime Minister. Dear Malcolm….

1. Toilets.
During any design the first step is to identify the requirements that must be met by the end product, then soon after the engineer designs something to meet those requirements. If for example you were a toilet engineer your list of requirements may look something like this:
-dispose of urine and fecal waste
-provide a seat
-be easy to clean

Any Australian toilet engineer would argue that the above list is the complete list of toilet requirements. However any North American toilet engineer would quickly identify a further crucial requirement.
-toilet must not touch male reproductive organs!


American toilets are designed with extra ‘head room’ at the front to ensure no penile-wall contact is made.


Some may read this and say, yeah yeah Andrew, surely your male endowment is larger than average and you’re just gloating on the internet about your unhygienic above average porcelain polishing member.

To them I would say that if the average Australian toilet is designed for the average Australian man, then it is unsuitable for 49% of Australian men, who are by definition above average. That’s close to 25% of the Australian population!

And what about the ladies? If we assume that the above average 49% of Australian men enthusiastically engage in felatio with 49% of Australian women (some would argue due to their above average classification this percentage is somewhat higher) then just under 50% of the Australian population is affected by this universal design flaw.

I am completely bamboozled by the extent of this issue, and the unwillingness of Australian toilet manufacturers to rectify such an obvious ubiquitous design flaw. Surely a recall is in order?
Is this potentially the biggest case of free market failure in this country? Should the Australian toilet industry be nationalised? Viva la revolucion?!

2. Steak.


Cooking a steak on a bbq is about as Australian as wearing a singlet, thongs and drinking xxxx gold. Steak is cooked much the same way in every Australian backyard, just throw it on the barbie mate. Sometimes in more sophisticated circles a little bit of olive oil, salt and pepper are rubbed into the meat before cooking, but universally gas fueled hot plates (sometimes also electric) are used for cooking.
Whilst in Argentina I partook in much Argentinian style bbq’d bovine. Universally the Argentinian steak tasted far better than any Australian steak I have eaten.
While one explanation for this may be the difference in the quality of the meat, I highly doubt it, Australia has good farming land in general.

I propose the difference in flavour is due to the method of cooking. In Argentina all bbq’d meat is cooked over coals on a grill. Wood bbqs are found in parks all across Argentina. The flavour of the wood is infused into the meat during cooking resulting in a far better taste. To test the accuracy of this proposition, in North America I cooked several cheap pieces of steak over hot coals, the result was mouth watering steaky goodness.

For those interested in how far this flavour enhancement goes, I suggest you try smoked sausages. Delicious.

So, in your opinion what else does Australia do wrong?

Or for the international reader playing along at home, what does your country do wrong?

7 thoughts on “Things that Australia does wrong

  1. Well I can vouch that’s not how I cook steak in my backyard and when we go camping. Our steak is always marinated in delicious flavors and often cooked (lovingly!) over coals. And cooked to perfection. No point wasting a good piece of meat!

    Liked by 1 person

  2. Can’t beat cooking over coals, I’ve actually taken the gas burners out of my bbq.
    Re toilet, nothing worse then making contact

    Liked by 1 person

  3. The toilet seat issue is a real daily obstacle. As I work in a factory, with many grubby blokes, I cringe at the moment of contact. Take this to parliament I say!

    Liked by 1 person

  4. The average value of 100 50-cent coins is 50 cents. Which is 100% of the coins. You need to rethink your statistics engineer…

    Liked by 1 person

    • I agree, if you’re talking about the value. But say you were talking about the radius of the coins, and there was some variance in the radius with a normal distribution, then 49% of coins would have a radius larger than the mean radius (dependant upon measuring resolution).
      The real question is, do penis sizes vary with a normal distribution? Who would measure this? What’s their experimental method? What’s the standard deviation etc? Is there a positive or negative correlation between names like Extreme Man and BigDirk with penis size?


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